Echo
by Jobes
Summary: Lost in the aftermaths of the incidents, Pony finds something to hold on to, something to believe in, but something that might just be nothing more than a nightmare. Can Soda help Pony solve whatever his dreams may hold? Read and Review!
1. Chapter 1

_Close my eyes  
Let the whole thing pass me by  
There is no time  
To waste asking why  
I'll run away with you by my side  
I'll run away with you by my side  
I need to let go, let go, let go, let go…_

**-Trapt**

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Pony's POV

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Spiraling. What a strange word… yet the only one that comes to mind to describe this… feeling inside of me. You always hear about people "falling" into this empty sort of abyss… just… endlessly falling. What did they call it? Hm… Ah, right… depression. I wasn't falling yet. Just spinning.

I opened my eyes, expecting to see the morning sunlight streaming in through the blinds, illuminating each dust particle in its path. I frowned when I realized that that wouldn't be happening today. Hm… Was I really frowning? I couldn't really tell. It's just one of those things that you feel, unable to see unless you're standing in front of a mirror per se...

I gave up trying to figure it out. It was too dark to tell anything from anything. I frowned again, figuratively of course. It wasn't dark like in the absence of light. It was just… dark—a sort of nothingness. Yeah, I guess that's the only way to describe it. I was floating—not falling—in peace. No, this couldn't be peace. I don't know how else to say it, but I suppose I was in a state of what purgatory would feel like—**_would_** feel like, of course. I'm very confusing when I ramble on, I know. It's just how my mind's been working lately…

I closed my eyes, not knowing whether I had or not since it wouldn't have made an ounce of a difference in this obscurity. It was only when the cries cut into my ears,

…_like daggers to my heart…_

did I figure it out.

Of course.

How could I have missed it?

This again—this… nightmare.

There wasn't the usually panic that would rip through my body, the electrical current that would jump my nerves into fear-mode. All those years of training—I guess you can call it that—must have numbed me to the horrors that my subconscious had mapped out for the sole purpose of annoying me. Don't get me wrong, I'm still capable of being afraid—_incredibly_ capable. But these dreams were no longer the kind that caused me to wake up, screaming for my parents. No more tears tiptoeing in the silence of the night. These were the nightmares that caused my head to spin, my mind to scream… my heart to clench.

I hadn't seen my parents die. I wasn't there to witness their descent… or rather ascent if you believe in that kind of stuff (which I had, mind you, for a while at least). But these voices that I now heard were all too real. These voices I had witnessed. These voices I had seen fade away.

The emptiness that had once been was now… not. I don't know if that makes much sense; nothing really seems to anymore. The cries of children filled the darkness, which suddenly sprang to life in a blaze of orange and red. Flames erupted at my side, the smell of smoke filling my nostrils. In the faint glow I could begin to see the makings of a familiar face as the screams died out, now filled instead with an uncomfortable silence.

I choked back a gasp, or tried to at least, as Johnny walked into view with Dally trudging slowly behind him, a grin evident on his face. I shouldn't have been surprised; I'd been through this exact same dream sequence for weeks now, to the day of Johnny and Dally's death to be exact. I held back the grief that threatened to burst out of my trembling eyes as it had many times before. The smaller of the two reached his hand out with a sad smile on his face as his partner cocked his hands at me, winking all the while.

_Stay gold, Pony… Stay gold. _

In that split second, when it would only seem likely that time had truly stopped, I was spiraling again. My head continued to spin and my voice was able to break free and fill the darkness as if it had waited centuries to be heard. The screams that turned to sobs filled the abyss and I was finally falling. Falling fast into the depression I had refused to accept simply because I had only been… spiraling.

Spiraling.

What a strange word.

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BAM. Depressing? Cliché? Annoying writing style? Completely irrelevant commentary!? Let me now how it goes! Haha, it's been a while since I've been around the Outsiders scene, but what can I say, it's time to get it started… again.

Reviews bring peace to the world!

Thanks!

-J


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, thanks for the reviews guys! They really do honestly motivate me to keep writing. (Sometimes, more than one is good… xD) It's weird, I know.

Oh and I totally forgot the disclaimer last time so…

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Outsiders, though that would be pretty awesome.

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_I will never let you fall  
I'll stand up with you forever  
I'll be there for you through it all  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven_

-**The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**

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Soda's POV

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"Stay… gold…"

I blinked a couple of times, silently willing my heavy eye-lids to open. Moonlight streamed through our window, falling softly across the bed. The clock read 3:45 AM.

"Pony?"

I rolled over to face him, but was met instead by his back, shaking ever so slightly under the covers.

"Hey, Pony…" I whispered again, rocking his shoulders as lightly as possible. He didn't respond, only muttering incoherently those same words.

_Stay gold._

He never told me what they meant, but I knew it had something to do with Johnny and Dally.

_Johnny._

_Dally._

A stifled sigh escaped my lungs as I turned onto my side and wrapped my arms around Pony's sleeping figure.

_We don't deserve this. _

_Pony doesn't deserve this._

_No one deserves what he's been through… _

Burying my face into Pony's soft, auburn hair, I cried. I cried without tears, cried without a sound, cried like I had for weeks. I cried not just for Dally and Johnny, but for Pony—my little brother who I'd jump off a moving bus for at his command. Not that Pony would ever let me do that…

It would appear that I cry a lot now. It's a part of me that I never discovered till the day he and Johnny had run away. That day… just months before that seemed like a lifetime ago.

I held him a little tighter, his body shaking just a bit more visibly.

"It's okay Pony… It's okay…"

I knew he was having a nightmare; how couldn't I have? I've slept beside him for years, always comforting him in the middle of the night when he would suddenly cry out for mom and dad. But these days were different. He didn't yell and scream for our parents. He didn't wake up, tears burning down his face. Instead he would lie there, shivering at first. His shivers would then grow violent, as if he was sobbing uncontrollably in his sleep.

I was scared to admit it, but I no longer knew what to do. I used to always be there for him, always somehow knowing what to say, what would calm him down. I noticed the way he looked at me, his eyes always filled with love and thankfulness, and it always filled my heart with warmth. But now, I had no idea what to do.

School had ended just a couple of weeks ago for them. Our boss at the station was leaving for a month and didn't trust us to man the fort (then again, knowing Steve and me, that was probably a fairly valid point). Hence, I was off for the month. I didn't know whether the time off would be bad for us paying our bills, but Darry had said that it'd be okay and I wasn't about to complain—I needed the break.

With nothing going on these days, I was finally able to get a good look at Pony. Things had been so hectic after… the incident… that I hadn't gotten a chance to talk to him, to see how he was. But now I almost wish that there was something to preoccupy our time.

Something had changed. Something was different about my baby brother. He would walk around the house on autopilot, eating, showering, watching TV, and sitting at his desk aimlessly staring out the window, all the while with this blank, empty look in his eyes. The spark that was once there, the laughter inherent in those cool green eyes had been lost, stolen by Windrixville.

My spine tingled unwillingly, sending a shiver through my entire body. I pulled Pony closer to my chest only to notice that he had stopped shaking—his body now still, his breathing normal.

"Hey…you okay, Pon?" I whispered, running my fingers through his hair. He grumbled, muttering something under his breath.

Now awake, I felt him pull out of my grasp, roll over with a groan, and plant his feet on the carpet floor with a thud. My arms fell heavily onto the covers as he stood up and stepped towards the window, prying the blinds apart with his trembling fingers. Moonlight flooded the room, illuminating Ponyboy's pale,

…_frightened?_

face. The blinds crashed together, the metallic crunch ringing through the room as he let go and turned to look at me.

"Why…" He mumbled, barely audible. His eyes shifted towards the ground.

"What is it Pon?" I hesitated slightly. "What's wrong?"

He didn't really respond, but just kept shaking his head from side to side.

"I'm sick of this. I'm sick of this every night… every night…" His entire body was trembling now, trying to hold the tears in—the tears he had worked so hard to keep from falling. My heart ached at the site of his eyes, so full of sorrow and…

_anger…_

I sat up, moving the covers off my legs and reached out to him. He recoiled.

I could have sworn that a part of my heart broke off right then. He must have noticed that hurt look that I could already tell was painted across my face. I was always told that I wore my heart on my sleeve, or however the saying goes. It never really made much sense to me anyway.

"No, Soda… I didn't mean-"

"Don't worry about it." I waved it off, flashing my trademark smile while inwardly cursing myself for being unable to control my face. This wasn't about me. This _shouldn't _be about me.

_Maybe you're starting to annoy him… _

His eyes had lost their short bout of fury and were now once again dark and, well, just down right depressing. Silence swept across the room as he looked at me and I looked at him, the both of us not really seeing each other.

"I just don't know anymore, Soda," he suddenly said, still standing there in front of the window. The moonlight streaming in surrounded him, making my little brother appear as some gift from god.

_That's what he is to me…_

Once again I was at a loss for words. No more comforting, words of wisdom from Mr. Sodapop Curtis. Usually at this point I would have just held him close, and he would have understood, but it seemed like even that wouldn't work anymore. When we lost Johnny and Dally, we also lost a little bit of Ponyboy.

_God, Pon'. Why did this have to happen… _

"I'm sorry, Soda."

I snapped out of my daze and looked at him, _really_ looked at him.

_Sorry…_

Pony had nothing to be sorry for. He was always being dumb and apologizing for nothing. He never really knew how much it hurt to hear those words, to know that your own brother always thought that he was botherin' you. Okay, so maybe I can't really explain it myself, but it's there and it hurts.

_Stop thinking about yourself, Soda. _

"No, Pony… don't…"

These past few months, weeks, days, and hours even must have been building up inside of the kid. He never spoke a single word, never told us how he felt. It was boiling inside of him. It was raging inside of him. It was finally coming out whether he wanted it or not.

His legs began to shake and with a moan he fell to the ground, his knees hitting the carpet, his hands thrown up towards his face. Then he cried,** _really _**cried, burying his face into his hands, his shoulders jerking with every sob.

I didn't need to think, didn't need to wonder if he wanted me there. Crawling out of bed, I slid down beside him, taking him into my arms. It was all I could do to keep myself from losing myself as well.

People always told me that I was the one who understood him the best, and at times I even had myself convinced. But in reality, I would have given anything to be that person.

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Before you say anything, I realize how awfully SLOW this story is going. I swear I know where I'm headed!!! I just don't know how to get there xD. Tell me if Soda is completely out of character, cause I think he is. I'm trying to portray him as best as I can of how he would be in my opinion while still staying true to his actual character. Tell me if you're getting bored and I'll try to pick up the pace. Oh yea, and if it's not flowing properly, let me know. I always go back and reread my chapters 50,000 times, so they'll probably always be different in some way the next time you read them.

Remember! Reviews will make Pony not sad.

-J


	3. Chapter 3

For the dedicated reader(s) and reviewer(s), I thank you deeply.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Outsiders characters

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I walked away, but you were always on my mind  
I was afraid that you would never come alive  
There for me when I was scared of you  
You were there for me when I wasn't there for you

-Waking Ashland

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Pony's POV

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4:15 AM.

Why had the nights become so hard to sleep—no, to _make_ _it_ through? My eyes hurt, ached even. Whenever I heard people say that it's bad to keep things bottled up inside of you, I never expected the so called "explosion" to be so literal. It was so cliché that it couldn't have been true, right?

Tears had been pouring down my eyes like rain down the gutters—tears that had been held against their will for way too long. I knew what I had been doing wasn't healthy. I knew that I needed a release. But I knew that I didn't know how to let it out. Hah, knew that I didn't know. Anyway…

Well, looks like that took care of itself on its own.

4:16 AM.

I looked up at Soda, who was dozing quietly now. The moon continued to shine tranquilly into our bedroom, though it was already on its way to the other side of the world. Its light fell softly upon his face, making it even more apparent that he must have been some Greek god reincarnate. Even sleeping he still had that movie-star quality about him. What a kid.

We were both leaning against the bed, facing the window. His left arm was wrapped firmly around my shoulders while the other one sat against the side of my leg. I moved a little to rest my head against his chest.

Soda.

I truly loved him more than I've ever loved anyone else. Sure, I loved my mom and dad like any decent kid should, but Soda and I just seemed to always have this understanding, a brother-to-brother type of connection I guess you could call it. Me and Darry… well, we were getting better and that's all that really matters. But Soda, I don't know what I'd ever do without him. I'm sure he knows how much I need him; he understands me better than anyone else, well besides how Johnny does… did.

_He had looked so hurt_…

I sighed quietly.

"Sorry, Soda…" I whispered, patting his hand.

I never meant to recoil so fast when he had reached out for me. I was just so frustrated, so upset, and so _confused. _

It was enough that the nightmares were still happening, but now…

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_I was still falling. Falling faster down this endless pit, praying that I'd hit something soon, my bed, the carpet, the cold hard ground—anything. _

_It was then, in the midst of my screaming did I suddenly stop. It's hard to describe the feeling of halting after falling for what seemed like hours. Granted, if I hadn't been so distressed it would have been pretty cool. _

Pony…

_I looked around. No, there was still nothing. Just emptiness. _

Pony…

_The voice. What a familiar voice. _

"_Johnny?" _

Pony, listen to me.

"_Yea… Johnny?" _

Remember that sunset? The real good one up at Windrixville?

"_Yea, I do, Johnny. I do." I felt strange talking to a disembodied voice, but then again, this was just a dream… right? _

I want you to go see another one like it, another **real** sunset away from it all.

"_What? What are you goin' on about?"_

Do it for me, Pony. You dig?

"_I-"_

_And then I was falling again, this time landing flat on the bed beside Soda's concerned self. _

_-----------------_

I had jumped up confused and mad…mad at Johnny. I couldn't be mad at Johnny, I _shouldn't _be mad at Johnny. But here I was, hating him. I would never in my life be able to voice those few words, for Johnny was my best friend, loved by everyone except that good for nothin' ma of his. I was safe inside my head, though, and there I hated him for leaving, for not being here to help me deal with this, for not being here to guide me through this, and for just **not being** here to listen to me ramble on and on, like that night in the lot.

_Well, it's not like that went very well now did it… _

Now this—this silly dream I was having. Tonight was the first time it had ever changed to include my face-to-face—not—conversation with Johnny. Did it even mean anything? I mean when did nightmares start to control my life? Oh wait, that was ten years ago…

A feeling inside of me was knockin' my head back and forth. What if there was really something more to this, something deeper? I must have been going crazy, but for some reason it felt right. It felt like something I had to do, if not for me,

"For Johnny…"

Soda stirred a bit, pulling me closer to him, causing the steady beating of his heart to become more prominent in my ears.

This was crazy. What did he even mean by a "real sunset?" What was wrong with the ones we already had? Darry'd go crazy if I asked him and told him that it came to me in a dream. Steve would think I was goin' nuts, even more than usual. And Two-bit… well, he'd probably just humor me and go along with it, not really thinking anything of it. But this was the first time in weeks that I had felt so good about something that I was so unsure about, the first time that I've thought about anything related to Johnny and Dally besides them being dead. I hated him, but you know, maybe hate was just another word for love. Yeah, that sounded like it came straight out of a fortune-cookie. Arrest me now.

Lifting my head, I gave Soda a nudge, succeeding only in getting his head to tilt the other way.

"Hey Soda… Soda… I need to tell you something."

I glanced at the clock out of the corner of my eye.

4:37 AM.

When did these nights get so long?

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Haha look at me being slow and still moving the story along at a snail's pace. But I've always liked to take things slow, and hopefully that's okay with you guys. However, I hope its still entertaining at least. By the way, the italicized thoughts that are seemingly random are, well random subconscious thoughts. I Hope they aren't really throwing anyone off.

And of course, please review! OKAY. I admit it. I'm a review whore.

But really, I'm incredibly critical about my writing, which is why I read over my stuff 500 times after I post it and it would really be appreciated if I could get some feedback on stuff I need to improve or stuff that's going well. So don't be shy! Let me know what's on your mind, good or bad!

Reviews will get the boring stuff out of the way faster xD

-J


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